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Hoi An, a few kilometres inland from the South China Sea on a lazy river that flows, not far, down from the nearby mountains, is a bit of a mix. With a population of only about 150,000, it is best known for its UNESCO designated old quarter and its adjacent beaches. We were told by a local on a sunny day, when it was 28C and 1,000% humidity, that it was not yet the right time to swim – too cold – though westerners had been spotted swimming in such conditions.

So we hung out in town for a couple of days, admiring the river and the boats from our hotel, especially at night when the boats are hung with heroic numbers of brightly lit lanterns gleaming off the water as they parade up and down. And we crossed over the little two lane bridge, on a hip-wide sidewalk that involved a game of chicken with oncoming pedestrians as to which of you would step into the traffic to let the other go by, and that required you to turn sideways if two cars passed each other beside you so as not to get clipped by an (unused) side mirror, to walk in the old town, which featured a terrific all day food and whatever market as well as a night whatever market and so much more.

The old quarter is pedestrianized, which means that it was jammed not only with pedestrians but also with bicycles whose riders parted the crowds by moving forward at a goodly rate while calling out something like “aiee, aiee, aiee” which apparently translates roughly to “if you know what is good for you you will get out of my way because I have no brakes and I’m not slowing down”. And also cyclos, which are bicycle rickshaw affairs for one passenger who is usually either extremely elderly or portly or otherwise mobility-challenged or is looking bored or mortified at the stares from everyone else or some combination of all of the above. And also motorbikes and scooters, because the no vehicle rule does not apply to residents of the old quarter who, judging by all of the undoubtedly permitted scooters, number just under 100 million.

But the crowds and craziness aside, it was a nice place to stop for a beer before dinner in the evening to reflect on the calm of the Buddhist temples, with their huge hanging beehive shaped spiral incense coils that can be purchased to burn one circle at a time, to admire the colonial and pre-colonial buildings from when Hoi An was a major Asian trading port, to note that although the place is thick with tourists they are from all over, with westerners perhaps being in the minority for once, to wonder how long the couples in matching shirt/skirt combos are likely to stay together, and to realize that the most stress the day likely holds is the decision as to whether to order a Hanoi or Sai Gon brand beer when you are sitting about half way between those two places…